Sunday, May 09, 2010

Exiled from Universal Studios!

On Saturday I was booted, banished, and exiled from the Universal Studios lot and told never to return and if I did I would be arrested. I went there to attend a screenwriting class on the studio lot. At the guard house they asked for my drivers license for clearance. While she was checking I asked if she had seen Steven Spielberg recently. Spielberg is known for sneaking onto the Universal lot and so that is always my friendly conversation starter. I usually ask if other people have tried to sneak on the grounds like he did but I didn't get the chance because she closed the door. I waited there for about 10 minutes. I thought maybe they were calling the White House for permission. However they were calling the big cheese instead. I was asked to pull forward and park to the side. Another security guard asked me why I asked about Steven Spielberg. I told him he was my favorite director. He asked if there was another time in the past where I had asked about Spielberg. I hesitated not knowing what he was referring to and totally caught off guard. He said, "be honest, be honest." I then said yes there was another time where I was trying to find out how to get letter to him. At the time security informed me that it was impossible to get a letter to him because all mail stopped at the mail room. They answered my query so I went on my way. But that was 6 months ago and I wondered how they knew about that. The security guard told me that they had asked me to leave before and would ask again but this time to never return and if I did I would be arrested. I don't remember them ever asking me to leave before. They took mugshots, got all my information and had me sign a paper saying I agreed to never return. I then left. I'm still confused as to exactly what I did that would cause that kind of reaction. I didn't know asking about a celebrity was against the law.

One thing I know is that security personnel are not the brightest people in the world. I speak from experience. I have more experience as a security guard than anything else. I work with career security guards. Most of them do not have a college education. They get in to security at a young age and never leave due to a wide variety of reasons. One is that they enjoy it, are good at it and don't want to leave. Other reasons maybe laziness, lack of education, or they just aren't smart enough to do anything else. For some sad sacks security work is a simply a means to an end while they chase a dream:) I know I'm making generalizations and maybe they aren't universally accurate (no pun intended) but in my personal experience they are. Like I said I'm speaking from experience. My point being is that I have a theory as to the why and the what for of the experience heretofore mentioned. First off the security guards were simply doing their job. When there is a potential threat it is their job to prevent, control, and contain that threat. I was or am seen as a threat and was promptly taken care of. Security guards like action and most of the time there is not much action so when action comes along they are all over it. These guys were probably bored and wanted something to do. It's all a scare tactic. We do it all the time. No big deal.

Originally I thought it was the mention of Spielberg that raised the red flag but I have a feeling it was my name. I theorize that they have had me on a watch list ever since October. They were waiting for me. They probably assumed I was using the screenwriting class as a guise to infiltrate the studio lot and find Spielberg. That is false. Not now nor then do I think that would accomplish anything. So there you have it I am on the Universal Studios most wanted list. Fun times in the land of fruits and nuts (me being one of the nuts.)


  1. wow! who would have thunk it of my brother Jarom. Well that stinks about the screenwriting class